I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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