She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
