My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
