Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
