oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
