Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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