the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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