i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Let's get the cat blown out
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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