He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
