Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
