im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
