i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
