woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize