You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
