im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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