dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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