i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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