Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
