I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
