well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
