you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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