i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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