Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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