You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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