If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
