I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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