Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
