He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
