so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
