i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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