The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
