Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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