Small penises have feelings too.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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