If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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