my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
