just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
