You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
