You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
