my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
