if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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