JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
