wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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