i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I want to be your penis for a week.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
