Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
