my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
