I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
