I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
