did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
