she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
