I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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