'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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