I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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