My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize