she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
