If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
