3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
