I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
