Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
