I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
