he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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