I'm sorry my penis didn't work
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
