I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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