I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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