it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize