we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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