I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
