Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
